We always say ‘’forgive but never forget’’. Well, there are some things that are just unforgivable, especially in the gay community. However, since we are all good people, we will of course forgive and talk about you behind your back. You know, like regular, good people. Here we took the seven most unforgivable style sins gay men make, so that you could take a look and make sure this never happens again. Next time, we will not forgive! What are the seven deadly sins of the modern world?
Gluttony is… Cargo shorts
Cargo shorts don’t do anything other than make you look totally unattractive, geeky and sloppy. Moreover, they hide your leg silhouette, and if you’re a total hottie, you shouldn’t be hiding them from the world. The baggy pockets on the cargo shorts are too much as well, and God forbid you actually stuff them with everything that should be in your bag. So, unless it’s a sexual role play, give those cargo shorts to a homeless person and make a good deed to both your closet and the homeless person.
Lust is….. Socks in Sandals
This is so far away from the sexual desire the original sin is, but they are both unforgivable (not sure why the first one is, though, but OK). You might ask yourself who does this, but believe us, there are a lot of people who wear socks and sandals at the same time. First of all, please, choose what you want to wear. Is it cold? Wear socks and sneakers. Is it hot? OK, put sandals on, but skip the socks. Why on Earth would you wear footwear that’s open-toed and yet close it with socks? It doesn’t make sense at all and it’s gross. We’d all rather forgive lust.
Greed is…. Fedoras
Are you wearing a fedora? Good, because Justin Timberlake from 2003 asked for it back. Buzzfeed said that Justin needed to stop wearing that hat, so if His Highness can’t wear it, who are you to do that? Let’s be clear on something: Fedoras are never, ever, ever (thank God) coming back. So unless you’re at a masquerade party dressed as a private detective from the 50s or you want to look extremely dorky and out-of-fashion, don’t wear a fedora. Don’t own a fedora.
Pride is…. Square-Toed Shoes
You own a pair of square-toed shoes? It’s such a shame time-travelling hasn’t been invented yet so that you could go back to that day you purchased those shoes and punch yourself very hard. Rounded shoes give your foot a nice round silhouette, while the squared toed ones just make you look clunky and clowny. So no matter how expensive and elegant the suit you’re wearing with these shoes is… just no. Throw them away now, we’ll wait here.
Vanity is…. Suspenders and belts together
This indeed brings sorrow, right? Okay, look. You bought great suits in Melbourne (let’s hope you did, Aussies indeed dress amazingly) and you’re not sure which one you should wear to the formal event. Finally, you choose one, and you put a belt on your trousers, but you see a pair of suspenders that would look great with that suit. Stop! If you’re wearing a belt, you don’t need the suspenders. Please choose one and go with it. Both of them are used for the same purpose, so please, don’t wear both and make us pity you that you don’t know that.
Wrath is… Ugg Boots
Ugg boots don’t always look good even on girls, let alone boys! Any footwear that is made out of sheepskin – boots, sandals, flip-flops, whatever – is a big, big no. These are probably worse than Hepatitis. Moreover, why would you waste so much money on something so ugly and totally not fashionable if you can, for the same amount, buy amazing sports shoes or leather boots that won’t make you look like a Martian?
Sloth is… Backpacks with Suits
Backpacks are convenient and very comfortable, yes. They are also very fashionable. However, if you’re wearing a suit, please, buy or even borrow a nice leather bag that will go with the suit. There are so many nice choices out there, and you only have to look for them. There’s nothing that looks sloppier than a guy in a nice suit having a backpack on his back. Also, it’s a total turn-off. Choose your style, please, and you will be forgiven.
Did you recognize yourself in any of these sins? If yes, please, ten Hail Marys for each sin that you committed, and make sure it doesn’t happen again, and you’re cool.
Thanks to Peter Minkoff for guest-writing this blog post. Check out his previous post here.