Every person has their own way of coping after a breakup, but there is a difference between grieving a relationship and obsessing over it until your friend’s ears bleed. Yes, your friends will be there for you, but they can only do so much; in fact, they can’t do anything if you refuse help and keep sucking yourself into that awful post-breakup dimension, that vicious circle that revolves around sadness, self-pity, denial, anger – you know the drill. Staying stuck and reliving the relationship’s finest moments, stalking your ex on Instagram, sending drunk texts, you know that is the opposite of healing. Now, you can stay that way, continue to be self-destructive or you can get out of bed, stop whining and actually do something productive for yourself. If you don’t, you’ll end up getting over the ex at some point (but it will take much longer), and then you’ll kick yourself in the head for wasting so much of your life wallowing. Now, if you’re ready (and if you aren’t, your friends should be reading this), it’s time to get up and take matters into your own hands, now.
Distance is good, it’s great in fact. We all tend to reminisce about the highlights of relationships past and staying in the same place actually fosters that kind of behavior. So, the first course of action is to pack your bags and leave, at least for a few days. Get some of your friends on board and make a break for it. Traveling is great for the soul, and it serves as a great way to distract yourself. Aside from that it actually helps the memories of the ex fade and seem more distant as you’ll be walking down unfamiliar streets and there won’t be anything to remind you of them. There won’t be that ‘this is the bench where we had our first kiss’ kind of thing. Everything is brand new, so go, explore a new city, hit the bars, go shopping and spend some quality times with people that mean the world to you. Bonus tip: impose a rule – no mention of the ex during the trip. You’ll be surprised how lack of mention helps the lack of thinking.
Who am I
If you’ve been in a long-term relationship, it’s highly likely that you and the now ex have become this singular blob and somewhere along the course of the relationship you’ve lost sight of who you are outside of the relationship. Sit and think hard – who am I, what do I like, what do I aspire to be. It’s highly likely that you’ll come up with a bunch of ideas – you can look into beginner dance classes for adults – you know dancing will lift your spirits. You can also take other classes – perhaps you’ve always wanted to learn Chinese or Portuguese, so why not use this time to not only distract but actually improve yourself. Not only will activities like these be super fun but acquiring a new skill will elevate your sense of self-worth, which we all know can get shaky after a relationship crumbles.
Note it down
There are probably tons of things that were left unsaid and now they’re swirling around in your mind begging to be uttered. Now, if you’ve already had the breakup conversation, pursuing your ex with messages or even showing up at their front door for ‘additional closure’ is beyond toxic. The goal is to distance yourself and not pester the ex and become a psycho. Instead of constant texting and bickering, try putting your thoughts on paper. Start a journal and write down everything you want to say. This is a highly therapeutic way of dealing with your emotions and you aside from being a great outlet for the feelings, it may even make you realize that you have a knack for creative writing.
In relationships, gifts tend to pile up. In order to cleanse yourself (as well as your home and wardrobe) from the remains of the ex, you should designate a fun cleansing day with friends. You can either put things in boxes and store them with one of your friends, or give them to charity (kindness always makes us feel better). Then, it’s time for some real fun. Go shopping for new clothes (ones that won’t remind you of the ex), and even new sheets, so you can get a fresh start and reclaim your bed.
Get back in the game
You don’t have to get back into the dating scene expecting to find the love of your life with the first person you meet. Dating is fun, and as a newly single person, you should view it that way. Get all dressed up, hit the Tinder, get your flirting mojo back (along with your confidence) and just get a few dates under your belt. Keep your expectations low, try to have fun with these new people and don’t get attached. The world is your oyster so live a little. Even bad dates make for the best anecdotes for Sunday brunches.